Brave Conversations: promotions lead divorce?
Can promotions lead to divorce?
According to an article just published by The Atlantic, the answer is yes…when the promotion is earned by the female half of a relationship.
I’ve seen how an unexpected and significant step in one spouse’s career on the scale of ‘Alex just quit and we really want you to take the role in France next month’ and ‘excellent proposal, build the team right now’ – deeply, deeply stresses a relationship. I have also seen how the nearly constant drip of small rubs within a two career family wears down the commitment and the respect, if not the love.
But until I read this article, I hadn’t put together just how many divorces/separations followed within a year of two of the female spouses’ big career step. At this point – and I could be wrong – it will be faster to list out the family that are still committed to navigating through the shift of financial and status success from the ‘traditional’ male to the wife/mother spouse.
On my second read through, I gasped at the following statement:
“Young people are open to a variety of marital arrangements, but what they desire is still very traditional,” Dernberger says.”
Let's be real, folks. We talk too much about what we are open to rather than what we desire.
Yes, the infrastructure and the mindset is set up to continue inequality and we need to be honest and work to change all that.
Right now, I’m focusing on what we can individual do to perhaps celebrate our success and reduce the realities outlines within the article.
I’ve written before about the various relationship formats my marriage has gone through. While we aren’t perfect and there are always new topics and situations to work through, we do our best to start with what we want.
Yeah, it means that we often start decision conversations in conflict. It takes a butt load of bravery to tell your partner in life to start with “I want…” rather than “What can we do…”
Starting in conflict and demands that we each know what we DESIRE and that we love and respect each other enough to desire happiness for the other one.
It ain’t easy and we mess it up. A lot. (love you, hon)
And so far we’ve navigated the switch back and forth a few times. It’s been a series of increasingly brave conversations, directly faced conflicts, and continuing an ongoing dialog. Its another reminder that while the story is being written, the skill and choice of bravery is a key part to getting what we desire.
So how about you: how can you utilize the skill of bravery to lead with what you desire and design the career and life of your biggest, wildest dreams?